Beliefs and Apologies
by ColHogan
Summary: Missing scene from How To Catch a Papa Bear. What ran through the minds of Hogan's men when they thought Hogan would leave Newkirk sitting in a Gestapo cell after he'd gone to an underground meeting in Hogan's place. **Chapter 4 was edited and changed.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This missing scene is based on the episode How To Catch a Papa Bear. I do not own any part of Hogan's Heroes or it's characters. But I do own the DVD set and enjoy watching them. The first chapter is a scene from that episode complete with dialogue. There are also excerpts of the dialogue in further chapters.  
**

**Beliefs and Apologies**

Kinch: "What about her plan, Colonel?" he said indicating the underground agent Myra standing close beside him and the others.

Hogan: "Fine. Except it's not for us." He walks away towards the entrance of the tunnel area, arms wrapped around himself, seemingly lost in thought as to how to rescue his man Newkirk from the Gestapo.

LeBeau: "What?"

Carter: "Why not?"

Myra(studying Hogan): "You have another plan, Colonel?"

Hogan: "No plan is what I mean. Forget it."

LeBeau, Kinch and Carter all began arguing with Hogan together.

LeBeau(angrily glaring at Hogan): "We can't leave Newkirk there!"

Hogan(angrily): "Hold it, hold it. We don't play percentages we're out-of-business. Three men are gone. Do we risk four or five more to save 'em, with the odds against us? Forget it."

Kinch(glaring at Hogan): "Newkirk would lay himself on the line for us, Colonel."

LeBeau(still angry): "And he has more than once."

Hogan: Well he's not in command. I am. Which means I'm the lucky one who has to make the rough decisions."

Kinch(with a scowl on his face): "Where does a guy go to resign?"

Carter(glaring at Hogan, angry and stunned): "I'm with you, Kinch."

LeBeau folded his arms never taking his glare off of Hogan: "Boy," he muttered.

Myra: "You will do nothing then?"

Hogan(approaching a table on which sat what appeared to be a map): "Didn't say that. It's a good time to hit 'em. There's a priority target in Hammelburg; a 'munitions dump about a mile south of town. (he pointed to it on the map as the others look over his shoulders, still angry). He faced Myra. "The Gestapo crashed that meeting and got themselves three prisoners. They must figure that will scare anyone else with sabotage ideas for awhile and they'll relax."

Myra(looking at the others): "He's right. It's a good time psychologically."

Kinch(with anger still): "Whatever the Colonel says, it's his war."

Hogan glanced at Kinch briefly stung by his words. He didn't let or want his men to know how deeply their words had hurt him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 --- Kinch and LeBeau**

Had he heard Colonel Hogan right? Was he rejecting a rescue plan presented by a member of the Dusseldorf underground to free Newkirk from Gestapo custody? As Hogan continued talking with Myra, who was a member of the underground unit North Star, Kinch couldn't believe his ears. He had even asked the colonel what he thought about Myra's plan of having either the colonel, or one of his men go inside Gestapo headquarters alone, and force the guard to open the cells while they and she both waited outside with a car. To Kinch, it had sounded like a simple, easy plan that had little chance of failure. It was certainly a simple, easy plan compared to the wild plans the colonel came up with.

But had he heard Hogan correctly when he could have sworn he heard him ask Myra if they should risk four or five more men just to rescue three men? And then Myra asked the colonel if he had another plan and Hogan had said no he didn't; and that they were to forget it. Forget it? Was he asking them to forget about Newkirk?

_Colonel, how can you do that? How can you ask us to forget Newkirk? How can __**you **__forget Newkirk? I can't believe you're really like this. You're turning your back on one of your own men and leaving him in the hands of the Gestapo? Colonel, how could you?!_

Kinch was beginning to wonder if Hogan had been pulling the wool over their eyes, so to speak, since he knew him. Apparently he had been and now was showing his true self. _And to think I respected and trusted this man._ He then heard Hogan having the nerve to be discussing something about wanting to blow up a priority target in Hammelburg rather than find a way to rescue Newkirk. He never thought he would ever see Colonel Hogan willing to turn his back on anyone, especially one of his own men. Kinch promised himself he would **never, ever **forgive Colonel for this. Never!And the sooner I resign from his outfit the happier I'll be. _Newkirk, I'll never forget you. Nor will I ever forgive the colonel for betraying our trust._

* * *

LeBeau couldn't believe his ears. The colonel was turning his back on Newkirk; on one of his own men. He never thought he would live to hear such a thing. At least not from his own commanding officer. Not from the one man he admired more than anybody else in the entire world; even more than French President Charles DeGaulle. LeBeau never thought he would ever say this, but right now he hated Robert Hogan.

"Boy," he muttered under his breath with arms folded and leaning against the doorway to one of the tunnel entrances. He continued to glare at Hogan who seemed oblivious to what he, or the others, were feeling at leaving Newkirk sitting in a Gestapo cell. _How could you do this to one of your own men, mon Colonel? Newkirk would follow you into Hell and back; all of us would, and this is how you replay us? The minute something goes wrong with one of your ideas and somebody gets caught, you abandon them. I __**never **__thought you would betray us like this. I thought you were different, but you're just like all the officers I have served under. You think only of yourself and what benefits you; and to hell with anybody who gets caught. And as ashamed as I am to be a member of your team; I am more ashamed to say I thought of you as a friend._

LeBeau continued glaring at Hogan, not caring whether or not the American knew it or not. He would never forgive Hogan for sacrificing one of his men while not even making the attempt to try and rescue him. To LeBeau, what Hogan was doing didn't make him any better than the filthy Bosche they were fighting against._ I will never forgive you, Colonel. Never. You are no longer a friend, and no even considered a friend. In fact, the sooner I am free of you, the happier I'll be. But that will not help Pierre who sits in a Gestapo cell right now thinking you are coming to save him. _LeBeau could only shake his head in disgust.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3---Carter and Hogan**

Carter's jaw hung at Hogan's words that they would not spare four or five men to free three others. It hurt him deeply; more deeply than anything he ever thought something could. And what made it even more painful was that the words echoed from Colonel Hogan's own lips.

They were not going to try a rescue attempt. Carter was hoping he had heard wrong. _I must've heard wrong. Colonel Hogan would never turn his back on one of his own men. He just wouldn't. But yet I just heard him say he had no plan to rescue Newkirk and he just turned down North Star's plan. What's going on? Boy, I never thought Colonel Hogan would do anything like that._

Carter, leaning against the dirt wall, tried not to look at his commander much less look him in the eye. He was so angry and the feeling of betrayal was evident on his face to anyone who paid attention. Carter was hoping Hogan would see his feeling of betrayal; he wanted him to see it. He wanted Hogan to see the pain he caused by refusing to rescue one of his own men that he claimed to care so much about and vowed to protect at all costs. The feeling of the pain he caused by refusing to save one of those men. He continued listening to Hogan and Myra talking and stared daggers at the colonel's back. He also made low noises with his voice that he knew Hogan couldn't hear, but hoped he somehow did. Carter wanted Hogan to hear his opinion so that he would know that Carter did not agree, nor approve, that he was displeased with his commanding officer and didn't want to serve under him anymore under any circumstances.

* * *

Hogan wrapped his arms around himself, well aware of the eyes of his men staring daggers into his back. He knew they were not only angry with and at him, but were probably disgusted with him and wanted nothing to do with him anymore. He thought they would understand; that they should understand since they claimed to know him so well.

But apparently they didn't know him as well as they claimed, else they wouldn't be thinking about him what they were right now. _How could they believe I would turn my back on one of my men and leave him in the hands of the Gestapo? How could they even __**THINK **__such a thing?_

Hogan nonetheless, continued with what he was doing, hoping he was masking the hurt feelings he had from their remarks. He knew exactly what he was doing and why. His gut was telling him this contact was all wrong; and his gut had never let him down yet. But his gut couldn't steer him away from the hurtful thoughts and words aimed at him by his men who probably now considered him the enemy. _Guys, I'm not the enemy here; I'm not. I know what I'm doing. Why can't you see that? I know you don't mean those hurtful things you're saying, but still, your lack of faith and trust in me hurts worst than anything the enemy could do to me. I just thought you all knew me better than that._ He swallowed the lump in his throat, blinked away the tears forming in his eyes, and bit his lower lip to keep it from trembling. He had to maintain control over his emotions right now. It was important that he did.

"Whatever the colonel says," Kinch remarked with a dirty look aimed in his direction. "It's his war."

Hogan's eyes momentarily met those of Kinch. That comment cut him to the quick, and for a brief moment Hogan's pain and hurt feelings could be seen in his eyes.

_How could they think what they are of me? How?_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4---Apologies **

Hogan was examining the clip he had removed from the grip of the pistol. He stood with his back to the others and looked carefully at the clip he held in his hand. It wasn't that he was fascinated with it, but he didn't want his men to see how stung he had been by their words.

"Kinch, did you check the message she sent?" he asked sticking the clip into the grip of the weapon and heard it click indicating it was correctly installed. He continued staring at the weapon.

Kinch appeared a bit confused by the question. "Sure, Colonel. Just what you said. Nothing added."

"Good. Because I don't like to tell the Gestapo everything," Hogan remarked turning with the weapon aimed directly at Myra who fumbled in her purse for her weapon just as Kinch, Carter and LeBeau grabbed her; Kinch removed the weapon from her purse and pointed it at the woman.

"I don't believe it," said LeBeau, stunned.

"A nice-lookin' woman like that," Carter added, letting go of her arm now that Kinch had her covered.

"How'd you figure it, Colonel?" asked a now sorry Kinch.

Hogan, still pointing his weapon, went on to explain that he and Newkirk, before he left for the meeting, had agreed upon a security code which would be before and after each message he sent. He then lowered his own gun when he saw Kinch had the Gestapo agent covered. He walked past them and paused in the doorway. Though his face was unreadable, the look of hurt was evident.

"Y'know, how could you fellas think so little of me to think I would ever leave one of my men in the hands of the Gestapo? I guess you don't know me as well as you keep saying you do." He saw his men look at him with anguish on their faces. "You fellas really hurt me with the things you said. You really did hurt me very deeply."

Kinch licked his dry lips. "Uh, Colonel, I believe I owe you an apology for what I said to you. I should have known you'd never abandon one of us."

"Oui, mon Colonel, I apologize as well. I should have known better."

"Me too, boy. I mean sir," Carter stammered. "I mean, I shoulda known you wouldn't leave Newkirk in a Gestapo cell. I'm sorry, Colonel."

Hogan sighed and with arms wrapped around himself, gazed at his men with affection. He supposed if he had been in their place, he would have thought the same thing, so he couldn't blame them. He allowed a smile to appear which told them that Hogan not only forgave them, but that everything was now okay between them.


End file.
